A Guide to Facilitating Healing Inner Dialogue

This is the third post of a 3-part series. If you haven’t yet read Parts 1 & 2, I encourage you to read them first before continuing.

In this post, my intention is to pass along a guided step-by-step process that offers you a most valuable skill—the art of self-facilitating an inner dialogue between any two aspects within your consciousness.

It’s been my experience that developing this skill can open you to astonishing levels of revelation, self-reliance and maturity in your healing and awakening journey.

A brief summary of the key principles outlined in Parts 1 & 2:

• My lifelong passion is continually learning how our human and divine selves can coexist and dance with each other.
• Many people are not aware of a profound capability all human beings possess. Any time we are in pain or experiencing troubling thoughts and emotions, we are fully capable of entering into a moment-by-moment conscious dialogue—an energetic partnership—between two aspects of ourselves:
  - our most human self; and
  - our most loving & truthful self
• These two presences, each with their own flow of reality, can simultaneously exist and connect with each other in a natural way. They can be partners sharing and listening to each other—and learn to trust and understand each other.
• Our most loving & truthful self—which can also be referred to as our higher self, the divine, the soul, etc.—is capable of facilitating compassionate leadership in our consciousness. It serves as our ultimate inner authority, and acts as an all-embracing, neutral witness to the range of aspects that reside within us.
• Our most loving & truthful self is our sacred ally in bringing much-needed compassion to our human wounds and traumas.

A NEW PARADIGM FOR HONORING OURSELVES

Most of us never learned how to be in an intimate relationship with our emotions.

We may have learned how to analyze them, or suppress them, or attempt to “get over them.” Most of us employ a strategy of simply “waiting it out” as long as it takes until an emotional storm passes.

What many of us haven’t learned is how to sit down and be present with the part of us that is hurting … that desperately needs to be heard … and actually listen. Not from our mind, not from our defenses. But from the most loving and truthful part of who we are.

This simple shift changes everything. 

THE TWO INNER VOICES WE CARRY

Inside each of us lives two very real aspects of our consciousness: 

OUR MOST HUMAN SELF: emotional, reactive, tender, young, overwhelmed, playful, passionate, visceral, sincere. The part that feels things fully and often feels alone with those feelings.

OUR MOST LOVING & TRUTHFUL SELF: the wise, steady, loving center within us. Clear, compassionate, grounded, and capable of seeing beyond the storm.

Most of us unconsciously toggle back and forth between these two aspects of our experience—centered one moment, then emotionally upset the next as we react to something that’s disturbs us in our life. 

When we’re feeling upset, we often fully identify with our intense emotions and wait until time or distraction brings us back into balance.

Yet there’s another way. It’s absolutely possible to stay connected to and express from our most loving and truthful self, our spiritual center, while simultaneously being fully present and expressing the human part of us that’s hurting.

This is the heart of inner dialogue.

WHAT IS INNER DIALOGUE?

Inner dialogue is a structured, compassionate conversation between our human self and our most loving and truthful self. Each part is given a separate chair that is facing the other—speaking to each other out loud in a back and forth way.

It’s disarmingly simple. It’s profound. And can steadily bring an experience of inner union most of us have been longing for.

The goal of the dialogue isn’t to solve anything. The goal is to create an open, sincere relationship. Because once our inner world becomes a relationship—instead of a battlefield or a wall of separation—healing and wholeness happen naturally.

GIVING YOURSELF PERMISSION TO EXPLORE & EXPERIMENT

The most important variable to keep in mind is that inner dialogue is actually a very natural process.

As human beings, we are designed to skillfully engage in outer relationships by communicating with a wide variety of different people—with each of these exchanges carrying its own unique tone, depth and color. This same capability is available inwardly in cultivating a conscious relationship between different aspects of our inner world.

While having a dialogue between two aspects of your inner experience can initially feel awkward, this is simply due to a lack of familiarity. Every day in my private practice as a spiritual therapist and leadership mentor, I facilitate clients in gently becoming comfortable as they open to a depth of genuine, revealing dialogue. The process can quickly begin to feel very natural.

Many who are considering the possibility of learning the inner dialogue process for the first time encounter some form of anxiousness or insecurity:

“I don’t think this will work for me.”

“I feel silly and too self-conscious to give it a try.”

“It can’t possibly be this simple.”

With this in mind, if you’ve never facilitated a dialogue between two aspects of yourself, my invitation is to trust my years of professional experience and simply “run an experiment” and try it yourself. After you review my step-by-step guidelines below, dare to do the inner dialogue process with a spirit of openness and curiosity.

HOW TO BEGIN THE INNER DIALOGUE PRACTICE

Set up two chairs facing each other, relatively close to each other. One chair is for your human self and the other for your most loving and truthful self. 

Perhaps let your human self speak first. Begin by sitting in one chair and looking across at the empty chair in front of you. Imagine your most loving and truthful self is sitting there facing you—ready to receive and honor you.

Begin by sharing openly, honestly, and without trying to “do it right.” Let me reassure you: there is actually no right way, so you can’t do it wrong. The process becomes much more natural when you realize that all you have to do is share what is present for your human self in the moment.

Don’t share for too long. Aim for 1-3 minutes as this supports your most loving and truthful self being able to receive and respond without having too much information to process or remember.

Then cross over and sit in the chair that’s been facing you. Take a few moments to breath in and invite your most loving & truthful self to come present. Then respond, beginning always with empathy. Not advice. Not spiritual insight. Not “the higher perspective.” Lead with presence and love.

The inner dialogue continues, sharing honestly and responding to each other in real time—shifting from one chair to the other for as long as both aspects would like to share with each other to be complete. An inner dialogue can last 5 minutes, or 15 minutes, or as long as a flow of meaningful communication between the two aspects is taking place. And, a dialogue session can always be paused and resumed at a later time.

An essential key to remember when self-facilitating inner dialogue: each time an aspect responds to the other, be sure to begin that aspect’s response by reflecting and responding to the specific concerns they just heard from the other aspect.

This process is not simply two aspects speaking their individual voices into the air—they are both listening to each other, curious about the other, honoring the unique experience the other aspect is having, being moved by the other.

Let your dialogue be a relational back and forth, an empathy of fellowship, just as you would in a honorable dialogue with someone you just met and you care about.

An organic, intimate relationship will embrace the differing experiences and perspectives of both aspects. Your are building a bridge of understanding and respect, with both aspects of you expressing openly and feeling fully heard.

WHAT THE MOST LOVING & TRUTHFUL SELF MAY SOUND LIKE

People in the beginning stages of learning this skill often ask, “What do I even say from the most loving & truthful part of me?”

Here are some sample phrases that may help to anchor a healing tone.

• “I really feel how painful this is for you. Thank you for telling me.”
• “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”
• “You’re safe with me.”
• “Is there anything you need from me right now?”
• “I’m learning about you as I listen.”
• “We’re in this together. You’re not alone.”
• “If you’re open, I’d like to offer an alternative perspective that may be supportive.”

WHY IT WORKS

The inner dialogue process, by its very nature, helps you unhook from a singular identification with your current mental and emotional state.

The receptivity of your most loving & truthful self allows the human self to soften, feel safe, express, release, and trust.

The moment you first move to the most loving and truthful self chair, you’ve stepped outside the energy field of your painful pattern—as your most loving and truthful self does not reside in the pattern.

The dialogue process helps the human self to more clearly see and feel their experience. They get to articulate their pain.

Your human self receives something it’s rarely been given: a loving witness. A partner in truth. A place to land, a being honored simply for what is present. Healing in consciousness takes place naturally when our love embraces the places inside that hurt.

Something beautiful happens when these two aspects of you relate with each other and begin to understand each other. You stop toggling back and forth between these identities. They become allies and work together. Powerful insights often occur in both chairs.

• Emotional triggers lose their intensity
• Intuition becomes clearer
• Old patterns and energies begin to dissolve
• Self-trust grows
• Insight arises naturally

The inner dialogue process brings psychological and spiritual maturity. And it’s available to anyone who is willing to simply sit in two chairs across from each other and share with truth and love.

OVER TIME, A LOVING PARTNERSHIP EMERGES

Like any relationship, this inner partnership takes practice and patience.

Your human self may need time and repetition to learn to trust the process. Your most loving & truthful self may need to learn not to be tempted to go straight into lecturing or teaching—to trust the healing power of its presence.

That’s okay. Stay with it.

Over time, something remarkable develops—a natural collaboration between the one who feels deeply and the one who can hold deeply.

When these two begin working together:

• Emotional upheavals become openings
• Challenges become teachings
• Your inner world becomes less confusing
• A sanctuary of safety gets cultivated

A FINAL INVITATION 

I invite you to try this practice the next time you feel overwhelmed, triggered, or unsure of what you’re feeling.

Set up two chairs facing each other. Let each part speak and be heard. Let compassion lead the way.

You might be surprised by what you discover—and by the spontaneous wisdom that emerges from both aspects when you invest in this inner partnership. Inner dialogue can open up sacred, treasured territory in your relationship with yourself.

To continue anchor ing the trust between these two aspects, I recommend practicing inner dialogue for a minimum of 10 minutes a day for at least 7 days—or as long as you like. The psychological and spiritual benefits are profound when this level of devotion and investment are made.

I welcome any comments or questions you may have from your experimentation, your ‘laboratory of learning.’

If I can be of support professionally as you open to new levels of depth and integration in your inner work, I welcome hearing from you.

With respect and partnership,

Gavin

PS. I’ve focused here on cultivating a bond between the human self and the most loving & truthful self. Yet, this inner dialogue process is equally useful and empowering when used to facilitate communication between ANY two aspects of your consciousness that you are dealing with—to build conscious understanding and cooperation between them. For example, an inner dialogue process can take place between two aspects that may have opposing thoughts and feelings about how to proceed with a major life decision; etc.

PSS. I’ve consistently found over many decades that moving the physical body from chair to chair is, for most, the most potent way to anchor the voice and presence of each aspect and maximize the depth of the inner dialogue process. However, an additional option is to engage this process through journaling. Simply expressing in writing from each voice, back and forth, can be surprisingly natural and powerful.

And, as you become more comfortable with inner dialogue you may find that you can engage this process inwardly in your imagination while driving in your car, attending a business meeting, etc. Like any new skill, when practiced regularly over time the inner dialogue process can be experienced as a very familiar and natural process.